when we do connect its only as good as a moving picture. it makes the infinite view of water a little clearer. but some life lacks. sometimes it comes across as a simulation. other times it wets my memories and i feel her. what does this do to me?
you remember the feeling of her hand so you reach across the still air to touch her hand. dust falls from her finger tips. you see dust land on top of the water. the fog is too heavy. all i can see pixelizes into the atmosphere. the connection isn't well. we're interrupted i have no clue what she is saying. you have no clue what i'm saying, it's like this. walk around with your eyes closed. take a snapshot every time you would normally blink, close your eyes for the rest. when the only thing you can remember is the fact that you can't remember her as well as you could, it seems hopeless and you freeze.
there is not as convincing as here. i exist here because i am convinced. i can die here. i can live here. if i die there, we reconnect there. i try to live there but i look at the frame of my computer screen. the room i sit in feels more real than she does, what a terrible realization. sometimes i like to imagine existing somewhere else. like now. i am doing that now. when i can't see her even in the virtual or the real. if it hasn't been too long, i can see her from my memory. memory doesn't tell me which way to go, it only tells me where i went. i take myself there to see her. this isn't real. this doesn't mean i have seen her. i have to move from there. so i will go to a place in my memory i think she would like. or maybe i'll make this, now, a place in my memory that she would like. its not clear in here. there's steam everywhere. this place is about 22 years old and it seems to expand when im not looking.
when i reverse blink, lights appear all around but it's hard to differentiate distance from brightness. a cluster appears in the center of vision and it feels close. i don't want to move because i don't know which direction to go. if i don't move there is no way to tell whether the lights are bright and far away or dim and very close. the place i am now is like this.
this place, on the page is filled with extremes of many many places that are not connected. you could say the only path that goes from one to the other is me or you through time. but no roads come here. you could travel on a 10 ft road and get here. you could travel on a 10000 mi road and never get here. no pieces are even connected. travel together and learn which lights are far or near and which are bright or dim. you will remember this. this is all between memory and virtual, to reconcile the real. in the real, we'll reconcile our memories and our virtuals. when you read this piece of paper, together we'll learn which lights are far and near.
